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Lesson planC265 minsNew. New: checked automatically for level, grammar, facts and originality; a teacher's review is still to come. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.
Cut the Clutter: Editing for concision
Students learn to edit for concision by cutting redundancy and wordiness from a council report, then rewrite a sentence and argue a case succinctly.
Skills · Editing · Concision · Writing · Argument · Libraries
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Plan at a glance
Aims
- Practise editing for concision
- Learn and use 18 words and phrases in 2 sets: Talking about concise writing, Redundant pairs and wordy phrases
- Read for detail: a report nobody could finish
- Writing task: edit, then argue
Stages · 65 min
- 5 minLead-in: Pairs talk about argument and share ideas with the class.
- 5 minVocabulary: Ex. 1
- 5 minLanguage focus: Go through the grammar notes together and check understanding.
- 10 minControlled practice: Ex. 2
- 10 minAccuracy practice: Ex. 3–4
- 5 minText structure: Ex. 5
- 10 minReading: Ex. 6
- 15 minWriting: Ex. 7
Printables
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Download all (ZIP, 4 PDFs)Grammar notes
Cutting the clutter
- Remove redundancy and tautology: past history → history, end result → result, revert back → revert.
- Replace wordy phrases: due to the fact that → because, in the event that → if, at this point in time → now.
- Prefer verbs to heavy nouns: reach a decision → decide, carry out an investigation into → investigate.
- Hedge once, not three times: it is possible that it may potentially → it may.
Building an argument
- State your position first, then support it.
- Signal concessions (Admittedly…, It is true that…) and answer them (However…, Even so…).
- End with a conclusion that follows from what you've said (therefore, as a result).
Study tips
- When you edit, read each sentence and ask: which words could I delete without losing any meaning?
- A succinct text isn't always a short one: cut repetition and padding, not the evidence that supports your argument.
Glossary
- Talking about concise writing10 items
- Redundant pairs and wordy phrases8 items
Complete the exercises, then check your answers.
1
Words for editing
Match each definition with the correct word or phrase. There is one extra word.
Tap an item…
…then its match
2
Redundant or not?
Is one of the words in each phrase redundant (it repeats the meaning of the other), or are both words needed?
- a
return home
- b
end result
- c
free gift
- d
surprise visit
- e
partial result
- f
revert back
- g
past history
- h
recent history
- i
unexpected surprise
- j
free trial
3
Replace the wordy phrase
Each sentence contains one wordy phrase. Write a shorter replacement (or the whole improved sentence).
- a
The branch closed early due to the fact that the heating had failed.
- b
At this point in time, the library opens for only forty hours a week.
- c
In the event that the doors fail, staff will be alerted automatically.
- d
The new system is designed for the purpose of reducing costs.
- e
A large number of residents responded to the survey.
- f
The council will make a decision about the proposal in March.
4
Say it more succinctly
Complete the second sentence so that it means the same as the first but is shorter. Use the word given and between two and five words.
- a
The committee reached a decision to extend the opening hours.
DECIDED
The committee the opening hours.
Use 2–5 words, including the word given.
- b
There was a significant increase in visitor numbers.
ROSE
Visitor numbers .
Use 2–5 words, including the word given.
- c
The proposal is in need of further revision.
NEEDS
The proposal .
Use 2–5 words, including the word given.
- d
Staff carried out an investigation into the complaints.
INVESTIGATED
Staff .
Use 2–5 words, including the word given.
- e
It is possible that the plan could perhaps be somewhat too ambitious.
MAY
The plan ambitious.
Use 2–5 words, including the word given.
- f
The new machines will make the borrowing process simpler and more efficient.
STREAMLINE
The new machines will process.
Use 2–5 words, including the word given.
5
Build the argument
Put the sentences in order to make a clear, logical paragraph.
- a
A councillor's view of the 24-hour library
Tap the sentences in order…
- b
A journalist's view of the council's report
Tap the sentences in order…
6
Read: a report nobody could finish
Read the text and choose the correct answer.
When Ashcombe Council published its proposal for a 24-hour library, the idea itself attracted far less criticism than the document that described it. Running to forty-three pages, the report was, in the words of one councillor, 'a masterclass in saying very little at great length'. Its central recommendation, that the main library should open around the clock on a one-year trial, with self-service machines and security staff on call rather than on site, was not stated until page eleven. Even there, it was wrapped in qualifications so cautious that several readers concluded the council had not made up its mind. The problems were not confined to structure. Sentences such as 'It is possible that usage may potentially increase' hedge the same idea three times; others repeat information already given in the previous paragraph, often in almost identical words. A local journalist, Priya Haldane, counted fourteen occurrences of the phrase 'going forward' and calculated that removing redundant words alone would have shortened the report by roughly a quarter. To the council's credit, it responded quickly. A pared-down version, eight pages long and opening with a single-paragraph summary, was circulated within a month. Its recommendations were unchanged, yet public responses to the consultation more than doubled: a result the council's communications officer described, with some understatement, as 'instructive'.
- a
Most of the criticism was directed at
- b
The central recommendation was that the library would
- c
The sentence quoted in the second paragraph is criticised because it
- d
According to Haldane, cutting redundant words would have
- e
After the shorter version was circulated,
- f
By calling the result 'instructive', the officer suggests that the council
7
Write: edit, then argue
Edit a paragraph, then write your own.
Part 1: Rewrite this sentence from the original report in no more than 35 words, keeping all of its meaning: 'At this moment in time, it is the considered view of the committee that, in the event that the proposal goes ahead, there is a real possibility that it may potentially lead to an increase in the number of residents who make use of the library facilities, due to the fact that a large number of people work shifts and are unable to visit during the hours in which the building is currently open to the public at the present time.' Part 2: Write a paragraph of 150–180 words arguing for or against a 24-hour library in your town. State your position, support it, deal with one objection, and end with a conclusion. Edit your draft: cut anything redundant or superfluous. Try to use some of these: succinct, streamline, pare down, redundant, convoluted.
Suggested minimum: 180 words
0 words · aim for at least 180
Spotted a mistake in this lesson?· tell us the exercise and item
Revise with a game
This lesson's own words and questions. Play on your own, or in teams on the classroom screen.
- Step UpAnswer the lesson's questions to climb to the top.
- Pair UpMatch the lesson's words to their meanings against the clock.
- SnapA word and a meaning: do they go together? Answer fast.
- Fix ItFind the mistake in each sentence, then correct it.
- Quiz BoardTeams choose questions worth 100 to 500 points.
- Retro arcadeWord Invaders, Word Snake, Word Maze and Word Crossing: classic arcade games with the lesson's words.
Glossary
The 18 words and phrases this lesson teaches, in 2 sets.
Talking about concise writing
- succinct
- expressed clearly and in only a few words
- verbose
- using more words than are needed (of a person or text)
- wordy
- using too many words (less formal than verbose)
- convoluted
- so complicated that it is difficult to follow or understand
- redundant
- not needed because it repeats something already said
- superfluous
- more than is needed; unnecessary (formal)
- tautology
- saying the same thing twice in different words, without adding anything
- streamline
- to make a process or organisation simpler and more efficient
- pare down
- to reduce something to what is essential
- cut
- to remove words or parts from a text
Redundant pairs and wordy phrases
- end result
- just 'result': a result already comes at the end
- free gift
- just 'gift': a gift is already free
- revert back
- just 'revert': to revert already means to go back
- past history
- just 'history': history is already in the past
- unexpected surprise
- just 'surprise': a surprise is already unexpected
- due to the fact that
- a wordy way of saying because
- at this point in time
- a wordy way of saying now
- in order to
- often just to: We met in order to discuss → We met to discuss
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